Sometimes,after a grey period good things come but still the shadows of negativity and illness haunt you. I feel that there is no space for someone who ''walked'' through this kind of experiences. Even if you had patience and you got better something is missing. That mutation that affected your soul,your mind and your personality is still there and you can see the marks that lead. There will always be a word,a place,a person,a taste, a musical note that will open that wound. These people who survived and faced their own mind,body and illness are like some ghosts in the world that sometimes try to find their place. Trying to find your place means trying to find a definition of yourself,trying to find what makes you to feel in peace and most important something that makes you look behind and watch those thorns you had as a lesson. When the pain is gone you feel like a part of you has been amputated. You remember how it was when you had that part of you,the sensations you had,the memories,you can still feel it sometimes,it's still a part of you but you can't have it anymore. It takes patience to have the courage to be truth to yourself,to recognize your pain,to say your imperfections,you illness out loud even if you are alone,it's a thing that I hadn't been able to do.
Being able to stand in front of the mirror and say who you are and what haunts you is a very difficult thing to do. It's very hard and cruel experience to talk to yourself and admit you illness,thoughts and condition. In my opinion,introspecting yourself is a very hard exercise and not everybody has the power and patience to do that. It's a cruelty because you recognize to yourself who you really are and sometimes that can be more punishing and painful than the words of any other person .You need patience to recognize my thorns to myself and not be ashamed of your own person.
In the end,patience is very important if you want to grow as a person,as a soul and to cope with your own mind,which is your worst enemy or your best help.
